Today’s episode is going to be a little bit different from the others. I’m making a slight pivot in the scope of this podcast. After 20 episodes of the High School Hamster Wheel podcast, I spent a whole bunch of time this past weekend thinking about where I have been on this journey and where I believe it should go. And most of all, how I can provide the most value to you, my listeners. So here’s where I’m headed and I really hope you’ll continue to stick with me on this journey.
First things first, we will still talk about the extremely important topic of helping our teens as they figure out their next steps after high school. Will they go to college, will they take a gap year, will they attend a trade school, or go to work? I have had some incredible conversations with thought leaders in education, business and mental health and I plan to continue doing that.
But as a parent of two teenagers myself, it’s become clear to me that many of my conversations these days – the conversations that are truly helpful to me – happen WITH other parents of teens. Whether it’s sitting in the stands at a marching band competition or while chatting with my church book club besties, or during a neighborhood Fun Friday in the driveway, some of my best, most honest and most insightful conversations have been with high school parents just like me.
Say that out loud along with me “high school parents just like me”. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if your teenager is on the basketball team or plays percussion in the band, or if she’s on the dance team or has a part-time job. At the end of the day, we are ALL living in the same world, raising our teenagers as best we can so that they will grow up to be happy, healthy well-adjusted adults.
So if that’s true, why is it so hard for us all to be completely honest about what’s going on with our teens? Why can’t we be brutally honest when someone says “So, how’s your teenager doing?” I don’t know about you but my immediate response is usually “Doing great! Schools going well. Everything is really great.” And for the most part, my teens are doing great. But that’s not true all the time and that’s not real life. The truth is that sometimes I want to reply, “Fine. My teens are doing fine. And when they start talking to me again, I’ll let you know how they’re really doing.” Or “Not so good. In fact, we are really struggling in our house right now.” I think if we, as parents, gave ourselves permission to be transparent and truthful, we’d all start to realize that we have more in common than we thought. And we’d all feel a little less isolated and overwhelmed.
And that’s a big part of what my podcast pivot is all about.
It’s no secret. The teenage years are HARD. It’s hard for teenagers and it’s hard for parents. So who better to talk about it than parents and teens? In the coming weeks, I will start bringing on parents and teens, and young adults so we can have honest and vulnerable conversations about the trials, tribulations, joys, and celebrations of the teenage years. My hope is that if we start those honest conversations here, it will help spark the important and necessary conversations “in real life”, too. During these conversations, we will talk about “all the things” our teens face as they navigate high school and beyond. We will hear from parents, like you and me, who are right in the thick of it, just trying to take it one day at a time. And we will hear from parents with older teens and young adults who have “been there, done that” and who have lots of wisdom to share.
Because it is my strong belief that there is no better wisdom than that from a mom or dad who has survived the trenches of teenagers.
But wait, there’s more. We will also hear from teens. Yep, you heard that right. I will be bringing on teenagers so they can be heard and so that we can get their point of view. It should make for some interesting and enlightening conversations!
Speaking of teens, my firstborn son turned 16 today, which here in Florida means he gets his driver’s license. Yikes. Truth is he is a fantastic driver and he’s going to do great. But gone are the days when I will drop him off at a friend’s house, drive him to school or pick him up after band practice. Going forward he will be navigating and driving on his own. And on those occasions when I do get the chance to ride in the car with him, I will sit in the front passenger seat as he is in control behind the wheel.
Isn’t that a perfect metaphor for parenting in the teen years? I am no longer in the metaphorical driver’s seat. Instead, I will have a front-row seat to watching my teenagers travel their paths in life. I will help them find their way back when they veer off course, but it will be up to them to choose their own route. I know there will be detours that I might not approve of and they might navigate some twists and turns that I certainly won’t see coming, but it is their turn to drive and I will sit back and enjoy the ride, no matter how bumpy it might be.
Believe me. It is HARD to let go. Anyone who knows me well knows I struggle with letting go. But if I don’t allow my teens to find their own way and let them get lost sometimes, I will be doing them a huge disservice. If you go back and listen to just about any of my first 20 episodes, you’ll hear the same advice over and over again from well-trusted sources. Let your teens fail. Give them autonomy. Allow them to make their own decisions and ultimately choose the path that’s best for them.
Remember that children’s book called Going On a Bear Hunt? My kids used to love that book and I would read it to them over and over and over again. And the message in that book still applies today. Can’t go around it, can’t go over it, have to go through it. It was true in the book and it is true of the teenage years.
While the teenage years can certainly have their challenges, I wouldn’t want to go around it even if I could. I want to stay right here in the middle of it. I hope you’ll stay right here in the middle of it with me. And let’s keep this important conversation going. Do you have a question or challenge you are facing with your teen? Are you a parent of a teenager with a story to share? Please email me. I want to hear from you. I want to be able to help answer those questions and help you get through the tough times with your teens. And please visit my Facebook page and join me and my cohost, Jay DuSold in our Life After 12th Facebook group. You’ll be able to connect with other parents of teens, hear their stories and support each other through the teenage years.
Please share this podcast with others and be sure to subscribe to the High School Hamster Wheel podcast.
Email Betsy Jewell at info@betsyjewell.com.
Like and follow the High School Hamster Wheel Facebook Page
Join the Life After 12th Facebook Group